I am once again starting up that oh so wonderful journey of introspection. Only this time, instead of "get out of depression", it's dealing with how gross I feel about myself inside.
It turns out I don't like myself.
I see a lot of faults. I'm longing to see it the other way; wishing to see me how others see me. To see the good qualities. So I keep asking myself: what is so wrong with me?
But that's not the right question - it's what am I doing?
It's funny, though, the stories we tell ourselves. The type of protagonist we label ourselves. I've written myself as an outcast. I feel lonely and isolated often, desperate for attention. I just want to fit in but I feel like I am too "other".
Interestingly enough, that's not how others see me. Apparently, I look very much like the in crowd. I look like a fashionably conservative female who seems to be at ease in social situations.
So, I'm curious. Why do I write myself as that type of protagonist? How did I come to view myself that way and what am I doing that fulfills this narrative I've created for myself?